Dear Kim
I am a married man and I love my wife. My wife and I have been living together for ten years – and we have one sweet daughter.
I met my wife on campus where we were both students. It was sweet love right from the moment we met as freshmen (and women) on campus.
I lost my job in 2020 April due to the pandemic – and I have had to rely on my wife who is a banker in Mombasa. She has been taking care of the bills religiously; from school fees, rent and food.
Let me make it clear that I used to take care of everything before I lost my job. In fact, I used to give my wife Ksh 30,000 monthly allowance to stay at home – and take care of our child who had epilepsy. She didn’t have a job.
I have, however, come to learn that my wife of late has been showing me some disrespect. There are moments when he talks down on me – or just asks me to do certain things that are quite unmanly. The other day she invited her female friends to the house – and I had to do stuff in the kitchen as she chatted away with friends – who kept throwing “you stupid man. So you are the lazy bone Linda has been talking about” kind of look at me.
That, however, is not the problem. I have come to learn that my wife is cheating on me with our former campus mate – whom I gather helped her to get the bank job. I know this because I recently sifted through her mobile phone the other day when she stepped into the bathroom and I saw messages they had exchanged – and pictures I cannot describe. I feel like just waking up one morning and leaving. Help.
Philip
Dear Philip
You are a strong man. You need that to survive such a heartache. Do not forget that what defines a man (or woman) is how they handle what they do not like.
Most men in your shoes will lose their heads – and do something regrettable. You, however, have kept your cool head – and that is the first step towards the right direction.
My advice is that you face your wife – with these facts and try to have a discussion. Let her know that you know about the other man. Listen to her defence. Chances are that she will deny – and even say something stupid like… ‘we are just friends’…. Or ‘It is not what you think…”
If you cannot have such a discussion between the two of you in your house – I propose you invite a common friend, a pastor, priest or any other religious leader to help you discuss these things.
Try to sort things out – but if it is not working – I am afraid you may just have to take a walk. You can also get help from a marriage counselor.
What advice would you give Philip?