I Asked My Cousin to Help My Wife Get Kids, But Now He is Too Much

Dear Kim

My name is Pato. I am 45 years old – and I suffer from severe erectile dysfunction. I have had this problem right from my childhood. I came to learn of this medical problem later in my teenage years during those innocent teenage games with girls.

This is a burden I have carried my entire life – and not even my siblings seem to know – neither am I willing to share with them now that am almost becoming a grandfather.

The only time my elder brother joked about it – albeit innocently – was back in the days, even before I even got married.

He joked about why I was not bringing girls home like other boys in the village – and asked me that one question I have always feared.

“Junior are you impotent?”

That question landed in the base of my stomach before exploding into a thousands tiny pieces.

The both of us laughed it off…. and that was the last time we discussed it.

There are moments when I have blamed my mother… I mean why didn’t she find out like most parents do… when a male child is born… testing testing the ‘dudu’ to ensure it is in good working order!

I hear there was a ritual mothers often did on their small male children to find out if they were impotent – and if they were – they would brew a cocktail of concoctions to heal them.

That is besides the point – it could be too late for any testing stuff. My concern is the fact that my wife and I have been blessed with three bouncing children – two sweet girls and boys – and I know full well that they are not mine.

But I love them more than life – because they give me a purpose in life.

My wife knew about my condition eight months after our marriage – and that’s because I had kept it from her.

Then one day I broke the news after she kept insisting that we go see a doctor. I remember how she was devastated, and blamed me for messing up her life – chaining her into a kitchen that had ‘fire’.

She proposed a number of doctors – and herbalists. I took liters of bitter herbs – went round a mugumo tree three times naked – and did some strange stuff just to get a lasting erection – but all was in vain.

Then she became pregnant with ‘our’ first child, then the second and the third. She kept congratulating me for a job well done every time we got a child – terming it a miracle as I had been cured.

Truth is that I had approached my cousin – and asked him to help me keep my family together. I asked him to seduce my wife… and help her get children to continue my lineage; our family lineage.

So, my cousin seduced my wife…. and she eventually gave in after seven months of trying. Well, deep inside, I wanted her to say no… but again…

In fact, the first time my cousin approached her, she was furious, and even came to me and told me to speak to my disrespectful cousin.

I did speak to my cousin – but to encourage him because I feared my wife would either leave me because of my condition, or go out with men of questionable character.

As we speak, my cousin and wife are an item – and I know every detail of what happens – well – most of the time. I am also not very happy with my cousin, the father of my children of late.

Imagine he recently hammered my wife in our house while I was in Nairobi for a job meeting. What level of madness and disrespect is that?

I have never told my wife about this. She believes that I have no idea that my cousin is the father of my children.

Should I tell her the truth? And do you think I should fire my cousin? I don’t want another child… so why should he continue seeing Veronica my wife.


Dear Pato

Pato. I understand your predicament. I would, however, like to point out that children are blessing from God.

Some couples can have them – and many others often end up not being able to get children due to a number of reason some of which are beyond our control.

The fact that one is unable to get a child does not make them any lesser of a human being. With or without a child, marriages can stand – and grow – and be happy.

There are many options for couples who are unable to get their own children to have kids. It could be through legal adoption or through other medical procedures but which can be very expensive.

That said, I would advise you to think deeply before you make any decision on this matter.  Please take time to talk to your cousin and let him know what you are feeling.

Think also about what such a move would cause to your wife. She is likely to feel deceived by a man she fell in love with… and what about the children?

I know such arrangements were common in the African traditions – but not really these days. Take your time. Sometime certain things are better left as they are.

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